More Reflection

After last night I prayed and pondered a little further about this weakness that was brought clearly to my vision. I realized that perhaps more than my hatred of dependency in itself, I am mostly insecure about putting others out... imposing. Being a nuisance. Whatever you want to call it, I fear it.

So now that I've laid myself bare before you, I shall move on to happier and more pleasant topics.

Since high school I have always wanted to raise goats. A girl growing up in suburban America would probably not be expected to have such a desire, but here I am. (The norm-breaker in every case.)

Ideally I would like to live a ways from the city on a nicely sized plot of land where I can have a garden and pretend to be Mary Quite Contrary. I want to can fruit, I want to make applesauce and I want to enter pickles into the county fair. I want to quilt heirlooms to hand down to family.

I guess I need a family in that case.


Are these things I could/would do if I were single? I believe so. I think it would be a good plan for me to make goals that I want (Lord willing) to accomplish regardless of marital status, because in so doing, my mind may remain focused on the Lord rather than loneliness. It's hard to be lonely when you're throwing yourself into the work of the Lamb and seeing His faithfulness to be by your side.

And so one of my desires (unless I am uprooted and sent overseas as a missionary) is to have a haven for women. It needn't be elaborate; rather, simplicity is a virtue I have always admired and would like to see in my house. Not bland, mind you, but not Victorian by any means. How lovely to have a peaceful place where people can rest and escape, somewhere I can delight in showing others hospitality.

I don't *think* that's an unrealistic goal. If married, that's what I would long for my home to be anyways (and of course children could shake things up a little) - if unmarried, I shall have a degree and a job and only myself to support. If I am single longterm, why NOT buy a house and make it my own?

I think I should like to retreat to such a place in my dreams, if not in reality.