I am never quite sure about what to make this online journal into. I am actually quite insecure about this page at all. I read other blogs that get many hits and I see exactly what they are doing differently and all of a sudden get an intense feeling that I ought to make mine like theirs so it will bless the most people that it can.

But that’s not how I work. I am no great producer of literary work, no mind-boggling critic of politics and religion and philosophy. I am no poet, I am no scientist, I am no painter. I may be borderline smart, but no genius runs in my veins. I love music, but I am no musician.

When all is stripped away, I am simply a little girl who wants so much to be things when she grows up that she really won’t be. All those things that I listed above – they are things I really do long to be (well, okay, maybe not really the scientist… haha).

But above all of that, I am just a little girl that wants big strong arms to run to. I can’t help it. It is what I am designed for. It is such a reminder of which Arms I ought to nestle into, but I forget so often and cry for human arms. And even then I am more blessed than many, because I have my own earthly daddy’s arms to hold me when my heart hurts.

And my heart hurts in new ways this summer. It hurts with nostalgia of times past that won’t be again, it hurts with desires for the future, it hurts with pain of separation and it hurts from bursting with joy because of the Lord’s gracious providence that I see consistently, day by day. My life is a living sacrifice to the testimony of His awesome power of grace.

But this journal is still written by that little girl of God who pretends to be a woman of God. And that little girl is still lonely and impatient. I love John Mayer’s song “Love Song for No One.”

“Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I’m jaded
I hate it

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I’m not sure who I’m looking for
I’ll know it
When I see you
Until then I’ll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one”

And so begins my semi-week vacation. I get to relax for the next 5 days. Joy!