I figured it was probably time to meander over here and write... I don't know how people have time and energy to do it every day.
I haven't been particularly interesting lately, and so I think I have avoided updating. God is stretching me and filling in the places that tear apart, which is painful, but it's a sweet kind of pain. I didn't really realize until recently that that was possible: to hurt and find joy in that hurt.

I had such a wonderful time at home this weekend. I have begun to really miss my family and all the things that are going on. My little brothers have become baseball stars, and I don't even get to see one game! I'm not really homesick, I don't think, but just... afraid I'm going to miss out on so much over the next few years. And well, I am going to miss out on much, but I need to do that. It's time to be just Sarah more often, and learn who God wants me to be apart from mom and dad. It's hard, but good.
I promised myself to always be honest here, so I am going to be. It's a little harder to fulfill that promise when you know that some people actually DO read this, haha, but oh well.

I wish I could know what God was doing. Sometimes I feel like I'm a ship just floating around in some fog, and can't even figure out exactly what direction I'm floating toward. I could be going south when I'm supposed to be going north, and don't even know. But then I remember who has full ownership of this sad, broken down little ship: Jesus. He does the work of the entire crew: rebuilding me, sealing my decks, AND steering the ship. I am in great shape! This ship is getting made over into something fabulous and new.

There is just so much going on with me that I don't know still! Relationships are weird (but fun!), especially when you're not really in one, but kinda sorta. I have become firmly convinced of the need for prayer in any sort of friendship that one hopes may someday go farther than that. The only way I can rest in the Lord is knowing that He has ordained all my days before I was born. He is planning just what steps need to be taken, and I am praying that my will aligns with His. I need just to run as hard and fast as I can to be with my Jesus, and all else will take its place in priority.

In an email to a friend this morning, I was kind of stream-of-consciousness typing, and God just brought forth thoughts about where my citizenship lies. What an awesome analogy to my place on this earth! I really AM just a travelling foreigner, though at times I try to make this my home. It made me think of when I go to Italy someday (hehe, Lord, willing... James 4:13-15) and how much I want to see the things there are to see... and those things are wonderful, and they are my focus on the trip... but I also want to really SEE small villages and things that some people miss because they are in a hurry to get to the next place. God has each of us where we are for a reason, whether we understand that reason or not.

I take comfort in these things, for they are the only place to find lasting comfort. I can make it through long periods of waiting, if the Lord says I must. He never will put me in any position that I cannot get through with His hand guiding and directing me. I will find refuge and cling to the cleft of the rock He has placed me in, but I know I will never fall out, for His great palm holds me there in safety.
Mmm... it feels good to write.