I honestly was going to update last night, but didn't for some reason or another.
I'm done. I no longer am compelled to practice solo pieces for piano. This evening was my jury, and I've yet to decide exactly how I feel. The jury itself went alright. I made many mistakes and have definitely played better in my lifetime, but I was satisfied with it.
I posted on the rumor board:
" I just found out yesterday that they allow people to take the piano accompaniment lessons and classes without being a music major! I wish my teacher had told me that, because that's all I have really wanted to do anyways which he knew! lol, and at this point I think he's so willing to do anything to keep me in the music program so my "talent doesn't go to waste" lol, that he might consider it. So, maybe next year. I will talk about it with him tomorrow.

so... yeah. I played okay, I guess, definitely made a number of mistakes, it was by far not the best performance I've ever given, but considering the hell I've been going through with these pieces I'm satisfied.

I walked out and almost puked from the adrenaline rush. I didn't know what to think or do. Cry or laugh or smile or crumple up on the floor. They all sounded okay. So I just walked home."

I am so amazingly thankful to be on spring break right now. I am actually going to sleep in in the morning and not feel guilty. I don't have to practice. I don't have to work on an English paper. I don't have to read Geology. Wow. Freeing. My spirit is light.

I recently took this personality test:
link

I turned out to be an "ESFJ" which is basically exactly what I am. The description talked much about this personality type being one that empathizes with others and guards and protects. This is absolutely who the Lord is creating me to be. I know I have probably talked about this before many times, but I am every day more astounded at the compassion He is growing in me for the people in my life. I am becoming something that I wasn't, and this growth makes me excited. My gentle and quiet spirit may be winning over my sinful selfish one.

I went to a church on Sunday, one that I had never before visited. It was an Orthodox Christian Reformed Church, and I had heard rumors of some CRC's being too legalistic, and whatnot. The reason this *could* potentially be an issue is that they are very focused on not just saying you believe, but living your faith, and I think this is absolutely Scriptural. They are very traditional, and I dont know if I would want to change my membership to a CRC church, for disagreements over baptism issues and whatnot, but it was an excellent service and the people were so very friendly. I felt like I had stepped back in time. It was a tiny little white church meeting out in the country, and they had everything from the hymn numbers on the little board at the front of the church to some little girls having the important job of bell-ringing before the service started.
I took a zillion notes, which is something I am passionate about doing, so I can examine what I've heard later. The message was about how the Christian life is like an athlete's life. We must train ourselves in the way of godliness so as to obtain the prize. I'm not sure I learned any particularly new concept, but I did hear things in a slightly different way which challenged me to examine my motives and my actions in the week to come. It was fantastic.
I was approached by many older people who were glad to see a new face in the small congregation, and I was equally glad to meet their inquisitiveness with a smile and answer their questions. It felt right. More right than any of the other churches I've tried this year. Unfortunately, it's about 20 minutes or more away, and so I am dependent on my friend Michelle for a ride. She's here for another year, and by then I will have worked out something, if this is truly where the Lord is leading me to. We shall see. But yes, it was so encouraging to attend a service where I felt the Word of God was being preached without compromise.

My eyes are starting to slowly close, but before I go, I wanted to quickly type out this poem or something that I wrote the other day.
I have a friend who's going through alot, and I can't fix it. I can't do anything but pray, and yet, that's the BEST thing in the world to do. So this is a poem-possible song that I jotted out. I haven't revised or anything at all...

This room is a tomb, a grave.
The air is humid with your unshed tears
You think a mask is brave
You've been wearing one for so many years
It's started to crumble and break
The flesh underneath is tender and pale
"Oh God! It's too much to take!
Oh God," you cry, "I'll only fail."

Friend, when you are weak
Well, He is strong
I know you're weary and
This road is long
But when you're too tired to crawl
When the gains seem to fall so short of the loss
I'll be lifting you
To the foot of the cross

The silence is so deep
I pray the Lord your soul to keep
May He guard your heart tonight
May you reflect His holy light
As the angels sing His praise
We suffer through the painful days
When will He answer?
When will He come?

Friend when you are weak
Well, He is strong
I know you're weary and
This road is long
But when you're too tired to crawl
When the gains seem to fall so short of the loss
I'll be lifting you
To the foot of the cross


I guess it's been a while since I wrote anything at all, hasn't it? I guess I go in spurts.
Definitely time for bed.
Blessings from my Jesus,
Sarah