Here I am again... once again... I pour out my heart... lol

Yeah, it's been a night of heart-pouring out. I am telling my piano teacher tomorrow that I'm quitting. Man, I feel like a quitter. And want Spring Break to come. I'm fast losing my patience with winter quarter.
When I told Andrew (Layne) about it tonight, he said that made him depressed. Not sure why, but I think maybe it's because piano lessons have been such a constant in my life, and change is hard. If he finds it depressing, how much more do I?! I'm scared to death. Terrified. I hate letting people down, and that's what I feel like I'm doing.
But I can't pursue something that I can see making me depressed if I stay much longer. I understand why suicide rates are high among celebrities and performers. Not that I've considered suicide, haha, I am sounding way more extreme than I am! But I could see myself ending up considering it if I don't get out. Y'know? And that's scary. That's another sign to get out.
So yeah.
I was at Starbucks today, sitting in the sunshine, reading the Word and writing, and I scribbled out a few thoughts with the intention of typing them out here tonight. So here they are :-)

Does the Lord's appearance always precede His people "calling upon His name"? Or is there ever a "calling out" prior to His appearance? For example: Moses' encounter with the Lord in Ex. 33-34. Saul/Paul in Acts 9. I don't know. But how can one cry out to someone unknown? How could one know how to cry to someone that (they think) doesn't exist? Could Abram have initiated his relationship with God? Or followed His call before the call was issued? Not if He didn't know God existed or a call existed.
Okay, going to do a bit of stream-of-conciousness here; totally off topic.
We as members of the church, are Christ's bride. As such, it seems we can model our picture of how relationships are meant to be by looking at the different aspects of Christ's relationship with us.

This is in part, ONE reason why our concept of grace and Christ's pursuing of us is so crucial to understand. The way I believe the Bible addresses dating is fairly covert. It's hidden amongst the many implications of the enormous analogy of Christ and His bride.
As shown over and over, Christ pursues he Bride. HE initiates. WHY?! For God's glory - His great and mighty glory. Can His bride ignore the sacrifices He's made for her? No. Others can, those who aren't "meant to be" His bride. Could I recognize the love some guy has for me and know that I will glorify God best by NOT being with him? Absolutely. It's not an issue of my will or my wants. (Rom. 9:16) If it's not God's will for me to be with a certain man, I simply can't be with him. There is some other, more God-glorifying reason God placed me on earth.
Don't you see?! It's so much BIGGER than the little facts of what I want or feel. Once you look upon the manifold glory of th Lord, your one desire is (or should be) telling others and showing others how to see this glory.

So the man I marry must be the one with whom my love will bring more glory to the Lord. The man I will serve better with than without, that I will smile better with than without, that I will sing better with than without. No, he won't be my reason for existence, his presence won't be the thing keeping me tied to the earth. I will stay on earth to better bring glory to God, and I will do it according to His plan, which will be with whomever I marry. A cord of 3 strands is not easily broken...
And a marriage built on anything but the solid rock of the Lord will be one of selfishness and sin.

Haha, there's my thoughts of the afternoon. I'd have kept going, only the bus came, hehe.
I had a conversation with someone today about being short. He goes "So... when you go to a restaurant, do your feet touch the floor?" And I had to say no. And he asked when I ride the bus if they dangle, and I had to say yes. He thought it was cute. haha, cute, maybe, but attractive? Not particularly. It's like that concept I must project of myself of being about 5 years old. Everyone's little sis who is steady and solid and has the answers.
Too bad I don't always have the answers.