Today a friend asked me a question:
"Why is it that so many beautiful girls are so shy and uncertain of how they look?"
I have been thinking about that question. And thinking. And thinking.
And I decided that the answer lies far deeper than just being uncertain of how we look.
I just started a book called "Wild At Heart," by John Eldredge. I have probably plugged him any number of times before, but only because God has really used his writing to change my life. Basically, John says that men have 3 deep desires: to have a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. Without going too much into it all, he says that women basically have three similar and yet distinctly feminine desires of their own (at least, this is what he has come to find): to be fought for, to have an adventure to share, and to have a beauty to unveil. I believe all three to be intensely true. Eldredge has this amazing ability to see with piercing precision into the truth of how people work.
But I came to a part in the book that hit me. Hard. It made me cry, because it is just so true. I understand *exactly* what he is saying here:
"And finally, every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. Not to conjure, but to unveil. Most women feel the pressure to be beautiful from very young, but that is not what I speak of. There is also a deep desire to simply and truly BE the beauty and be delighted in. Most little girls will remember playing dress up, or wedding day, or 'twirling skirts,' those flowing dresses that were perfect for spinning around in. She'll put her pretty dress on, come into the living room and twirl. What she longs for is to capture her daddy's delight... "Do you see me?" asks the heart of every girl. "And are you captivated by what you see?"
"The world kills a woman's heart when it tells her to be tough, efficient, and independent. Sadly, Christianity has missed her heart as well. Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian woman? Again, don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian woman is... tired. All we've offered the feminine soul is pressure to "be a good servant." No one is fighting for her heart; there is no grand adventure to swept up in; and every woman doubts very much that she has any beauty to unveil."
I didn't mean to type all of it out... lol, but I just couldn't find a good place to end or cut out.
But for you guys that are out there... this is it. This is femininity right here. Why do you think we buy bridal magazines and pore over them, even when there is no prospect of a future husband in sight? It's not that we really think the WEDDING DAY is the most important thing that will happen to us. But deep down the desire to captivate a man is instilled in our hearts, and for this we yearn.
When a woman isn't pursued, when she doesn't find an adventure to share, she feels that she has no beauty to unveil. And this is why we doubt ourselves. And that is my belated answer to Geof's question. (betcha didn't know I was gonna think about that so long and hard, huh?)

On a slightly different note... I just had to report on my day a little bit here. I had set aside today to fast and pray as often as I could. There are numerous reasons for my doing this, but one of them was to gain a greater understanding of truly hungering and thirsting after God. Another was to put my faith in Him to a greater measure.
See, I'm borderline hypoglycemic, which means I have to eat literally every 2-3 hours or else my body gets really tired and I start to shake a little bit. LOTS of fun. So I started my fasting adventure last night at 6 pm and was hoping to try to not eat a morsel of food til at least 6 pm tonight. (Keep in mind that this blog date will say that it's the 22nd probably... but I am writing at 1 am after my day on the 21st). I had prepared myself to eat some crackers or an apple to keep me alive if I absolutely needed to, but I was trusting God to sustain me throughout the day on only juice and water.
I only told a few people who I knew would pray for me beforehand... and I am only posting this here because mostly this blog is for me to think out on... and to be a blessing to others, hopefully. Anyways, I didn't want to tell a bunch of people because the Bible commands fasting to be done relatively inconspicuously, and I didn't really want to draw attention to myself. But God was so faithful and good I just had to write about it.
I woke up really hungry and hit my knees in prayer for the day, and then headed off to biology lab. Normally if I don't eat breakfast I start to feel pretty weak in the middle of lab~ around 11. But NOTHING. I was hungry, but I was fine. And amazed. Even more amazed as the day progressed. At a few points I knew I needed to drink something with some substance (other than water I mean)... but never did I feel sick.
Hehe, I went to safety training for work at 4:30... and guess what they provided for everyone who came? Pizza... I love pizza. But guess what I did? I walked out. Without taking even a small piece. You would have laughed if you had known how hard I was praying for perseverance in my committment to the Lord right that moment... hahaha... I probably looked like a crazy with the way I was muttering under my breath.
The situation, I was afraid, wouldn't improve as I got to work, because I make food for my job. I had to work from 5-6:30 or so, and I was so nervous that I'd pass out or something. So, I prayed hard once again for God to send a distraction to keep my mind from my own physical needs and/or wants, and, although I should have stopped being stunned by His faithfulness... stunned I still was. As soon as I prayed, the usually slow and busy Thursday night turned hectic. A line backed up out the door of people who were just dying for me to make them a cyberwrap (wondering what it is? just ask me). As soon as that slowed just a tiny bit, I happened to pick back up my incredibly klutzy traits and proceeded to knock over an entire jar of salsa, and then, as if that wasn't enough, to pour water ALL over the counter. Fortunately by that time we were closed and I was just cleaning up. But STILL... I giggled alot. My manager just laughed at me, he's just great. And it gave me something to do again while cleaning up.
I finished cleaning up at 6:35, walked out the door. And immediately got a huge headache and got real weak and trembly. It was like God was just holding it off til the very last second. By that time it didn't matter whether or not I ate. So I did.
So, there's the story. Not only did I see Him provide for me in unexpected ways today, I spent the time I normally would have eaten lunch with Him alone in my room. I cracked open the Bible, embraced that old familiar ache to read about heaven and turned to Revelation. I cried and cried. How could I not when thinking on the prospect of seeing this:
"All the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures. They fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying: "Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!"... and "Therefore, 'they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them. Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.'" (parts of Rev. 7)
Amen.
Time for bed.