Although I can't say why, I'm afraid I'm now in a state of emotional turmoil. Wish I could go into details about it, but because of the delicate nature of some of the information, simply can't.
Isn't it funny how life can be so simple, things going smoothly (or so they seem) when all of a sudden, you hear one little piece of news, and your blissful world of sweet ignorance is shattered? Even if it's only for a short amount of time, it's devastating to see how easily one's world can be torn apart.
Not that my world is in any way torn apart. Hehe, no way. But even being slightly shaken up is startling to see how easily it would be for your life to be torn apart. Fortunately for us, God is sovereign and in control. What would I do if He wasn't? What if I was able to truly ruin my life and God could do nothing about it? What kind of God would He be? Certainly not the omnipotent Creator and Master we know Him to be.
But on the flip side, He is not JUST a creator and master. Oh no, how much more than that He is. He is Best Friend, Merciful Father, and Perfect Lover. All of Him is sooo much more than enough to satisfy me.
So why this constant craving after more? More and more and more. I keep finding myself spinning into that silly cycle, forgetting that the more and more and more of this world can never fill this crater-sized hole inside of me. It is all rubbish. That crater sized hole can be filled only by my Jesus.
So tonight while I was worshipping at the Inn, I realized all of this. I truly need to surrender all to Him who gives me breath. I keep clutching it back in my little hand, trying to keep God from prying my fingers open. But he never will pry them open. No one is forced into submission.
I know this seems contradictory to Him being sovereign, but in some strange way, I know in my heart of hearts that they fit. We just can't see how quite yet. The puzzle isn't finished. I can't see the big picture at all. But these little glimpses I get of the finished product, of how I will look when Christ has sanctified me and made me perfect, not just in His sight, but in the eyes of all creation, that is when I yearn all the more for His return.
Anyways... just a few lil ol' speculations from my heart tonight. Focusing on Him is bringing the turmoil level down a bit.
Thanks for reading.